I was debating whether to keep a blog of this period, as I attempt to return from my mind to my body, a feat that seems large as the world, itself. After hurting my back in 2009, my attempts at healing have been half-hearted at best. I have realized that healing a herniated disc is like falling in love after a broken heart: you have to take a chance that you'll get hurt again, however small the chance, how large the hurt would be.
I've realized in the first few days of my 40 day Sadhana that I am always holding back, in moments and movements that seem to be protecting my back, but in reality constrain it (and me) in daily life, in movement. Fear of that body-shaking pain (oh, how like a broken heart this is), where you cannot rise from bed, a pain that seems impossible to end, remains years after the trauma. And just like love lost, I will never be the same after the injury, but maybe, just maybe I can be a better version of me.
Small victories of the first few days: a left leg behind my head, deep hip-opening, and a moment in the crow pose.
Frustrations: My ever-shaking, unstraight right leg.
I've realized in the first few days of my 40 day Sadhana that I am always holding back, in moments and movements that seem to be protecting my back, but in reality constrain it (and me) in daily life, in movement. Fear of that body-shaking pain (oh, how like a broken heart this is), where you cannot rise from bed, a pain that seems impossible to end, remains years after the trauma. And just like love lost, I will never be the same after the injury, but maybe, just maybe I can be a better version of me.
Small victories of the first few days: a left leg behind my head, deep hip-opening, and a moment in the crow pose.
Frustrations: My ever-shaking, unstraight right leg.
